Like thousands around me, I belong to the COVID graduated batch of students, and like the millions, I just got my engineering degree. A single piece of paper that is supposed to earn me my bread and butter, that is supposed to be my identity. As I sat in a car stuck in traffic crawling at snails pace over broken Indian roads I realised something.

I hated goodbyes. All kinds.

I have only ever studied in 2 educational institutions, a school and a college. Very simple and straightforward. I was at school for 15 years, and college for 4 and if I told you that the transition was easy that would be a lie. I came from a school that had barely anything to show for in terms of campus, so when I stepped into my college campus for the first time, I was impressed. And excited. I had this idea in my head of how university life ought to be, and I could not wait to get my first taste at it. I had this idea in my head, of the things I’ll do as a college student. I made bucket lists and promises to myself that I promised I would keep. I had things I wanted to try.

I found that list today, collecting dust in a corner of my study. It was amusing, how little I could tick off; not by virtue of a lack of opportunity or because I didn’t have the right people around me, because I did. I failed because I was too scared, too afraid to take a leap of faith when the time came for me to.

But did I really fail? I don’t believe I did (well sometimes I do but that’s when I remind myself that it was not all that bad after all; and to paraphrase a friend, you can choose to relive the bad things or you can choose to super impose them with a million layers of the small good things until the bad things don’t matter as much anymore)

I have the tendency to forget the good in light of the bad. It only ever goes two ways with me – either I lock the bad up in a box for too long or dwell on it so much my brain shuts down. What I’ve learnt though, is how much lighter it feels when I let things go. Embrace the pain, but instead of dwelling on how much it hurts or pretending it doesn’t, I’m learning to accept it. Learning to let it go. Learning to hold on to the things that don’t burn and prick when I touch them.

So here’s to the million layers of the small good things, because in the end, they matter more.