Disclaimer: This blog post reflects my personal views on the subject. No content on this blog intends to judge, restrict, or comment upon any religion or its practitioner in any capacity.
I am an atheist – there, I said it, and yet I love going to temples, churches, mosques, gurudwaras, monasteries, or even stopping by a shrine somewhere on the way to the mountains because the localities believe that waiting a few minutes at the shrine will protect their lives on the mountains. Do I necessarily believe that stopping at a shrine on the way to the mountains is going to save my life there? No, I don’t, but I still stop anyway, because I have often felt a sense of peace that often lingers in the vicinities of these places, and that peace somehow separates itself from the hustle and bustle of the world outside almost perfectly. (I also stop to admire the art and architecture and listen to the stories lingering in the archways, but more about that on another day.)
I visited a Buddhist Monastery sitting right in the midst of the Himalayan mountain ranges last month. I visited the Sri Aurobindo Ashram in Pondicherry at the beginning of the year and I watched the sun rise over the rock beach every day of my stay there. I go up to my terrace to watch the sunset on most evenings. I went to Goa in April and left the beach-side shacks behind to simply feel the waves of the ocean. I practice yoga in the middle of my bedroom every day, and on most days I’m still half asleep. But at the end of practice, when I close my eyes and breathe deeply, I swear I experience the same sense of calmness that I do in an Ashram, mountains, my terrace, or the beach.
Off late, I have also discovered in myself an intense desire to celebrate festivals – although my motivation stems more from social contexts than religious ones. I also love mythology, always have, and always will. Be it Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, or of course Indian, they all excite me. I seek out Mythology, for let’s be real, who doesn’t love stories of angles and demons, devas and asuras, humanoid children with godly abilities, and prophecies that can seemingly change the world within a week? I watch shows, draw on stories from mythology, read books, and discuss religious texts and the meanings behind them animatedly. I find more and more similarities in the teachings of the different religions, with only the way of expression being different in each.
For a while now, my growing interest in religion has left me wondering if it’s even fair to identify as an atheist. On one hand, I resonate with so many things that religion teaches. On the other hand, I feel extremely uncomfortable partaking in common displays of one’s religion. For example, I don’t pray, as personally, the activity feels very unnatural to me. I don’t believe in a ‘God’ either. I don’t believe that there is one Being or Power that controls the universe. I believe that as humans, we reap what we sow. I work hard to succeed, I make mistakes and learn from them; I find myself in situations that are sometimes terrible for me (through no fault of mine), learn to navigate them, and learn to recognise signs that will help me avoid them in the future. I don’t believe in miracles or ghosts. What I do believe, however, is that we as humans have only a limited ability to process the stimuli around us.
I try to be kind and empathetic, be grateful, and find joy in the little things, not because I am afraid that the alternative will take me to hell (incidentally, aren’t we all in hell already – with pollution, hunger, health, and hatred to name a few, picking at human lives a few million at a time? I mean, honestly, can things even get worse?) but because it’s just easier to love than to hate. I mean, why can’t expressing gratitude manifest in the form of journaling, or living a sustainable lifestyle? Why can’t faith manifest as believing in yourself? Why does it have to manifest only as spending hard-earned money to go on a pilgrimage? (Or, to paraphrase, why going on a pilgrimage the only recognised form of showing faith?)
I have struggled to find the answers to these questions for so long, and I will continue to. But for now, I still resonate with identifying as an atheist, so that’s what I will stick to.
Author’s Note:
For those of you who have stuck around till the end, thank you for your time. I appreciate it.
Would you like to share your thoughts with me? Leave a comment below! I would love to hear what you have to say!
half-baked tales 